


Give me shapes and letters(if it's not forever)

by holdmybread



Series: Jeongchan oneshots and drabbles [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Cute Bang Chan, Cute Yang Jeongin | I.N, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, One-Sided Bond, Sad Yang Jeongin | I.N, Tattooed Bang Chan, Tattoos, Very minor Hwang Hyunjin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, jeongchan rise, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:54:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29041977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdmybread/pseuds/holdmybread
Summary: Everyone in the world has a soulmate they can write to on their skin. Jeongin can't write to his.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Jeongchan oneshots and drabbles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2160591
Comments: 24
Kudos: 198





	Give me shapes and letters(if it's not forever)

Jeongin is 7 when the first marks show up. It's classic, a _hello?_ written in English. His mother translates it for him, and Jeongin smiles and writes _Hello, I am Innie!_ back in English, after his mother shows him how to write out the letters.

His soulmate doesn't reply.

Jeongin decides to learn English.

Over the course of the next year, he gets a few more _hello?_ 's and two _Is anyone there?_ 's. He's 8 when his mother takes him to the doctor, after she discovers him crying with the words _Why won't you respond?_ on his arm.

He's 12 when the doctors finally finish a conclusive diagnosis. Jeongin has TOP disease. His messages don't reach his soulmates arm. It's a one-sided bond.

The likelyhood of this is lower than winning the lottery, Jeongin learns.

He doesn't think it's a very lucky thing.

He pretends to be fine the whole day, smiling through his mother’s tears. Alone in the evening, he sits down on his bed, and cries.

He cries for himself, for what he's lost in not being able to talk to his soulmate.

He cries because his soulmate isn't even Korean, the likelihood of them meeting infinitesimal.

But most of all, he cries because his soulmate must think he doesn't have a soulmate.

In a world where soulmates mean everything, he must feel so lonely.

He's 14 when the messages stop.

He's written down every one of them in his journal, going so far as to imitate the rough, loopy script. He still writes back to every single message, in his journal and on his body, knowing that his soulmate can't get it but still holding on to that small hope of a misdiagnosis.

He's 14, and the last message he gets is _please write to me, I'm giving up_.

Jeongin does write.

He writes about his dog, the way his mom smiles when his dad brings home flowers, and the way the stars shine in Busan.

He writes about his illness and the pitying looks he gets when he tells people.

His soulmate doesn't respond.

He's 16 when his soulmate gets a tattoo.

He doesn't notice it at first, beautiful letters unfolding across his chest, above his heart. They're Roman numerals, he realizes after a while. A date for something important.

He looks the date up online, but can't find any information that would fit. He's pretty sure his soulmate wouldn't commemorate the International High Five Day, or the day the titanic sank.

He wonders from where his soulmate is.

He knows they're probably from an English speaking country. Maybe the US? (He hopes they're from the US, to be honest. He loves the accents.)

The sketch of the tattoo in the journal is rough, filling a page. Another page is filled with possible meanings.

He's 17 when the second tattoo shows up.

It's simple, really, a semicolon right on the side of his hip, rather well hidden. When Jeongin looks up the meaning, he pens it down in his journal with tears in his eyes.

_"A semicolon is used when an author could've chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life."_

Jeongin only ever shows the tattoo to his first boyfriend, a gentle boy named Hyunjin.

It kills whatever mood the shirtless and horny teenagers were in, but Hyunjin offers writing a message to his soulmate beneath the semicolon, where Jeongin can't reach with a pen.

Jeongin reminds him that the other person can't read it. Hyunjin says it doesn't matter, that it's for Jeongin.

The rest of the evening is spent with Jeongin's notebook, composing the perfect message. Jeongin looks over at his boyfriend, pen in hand, concentrating on his writing on Jeongin's skin, and wishes.

He wishes Hyunjin were his soulmate, just for that moment, even though it isn't fair to his own, because the onesidedness is Jeongin's fault. It's all Jeongin's fault.

Two months later, Hyunjin comes up to Jeongin, smiling brighter than Jeongin has ever seen him, and Jeongin knows what's coming before it happens.

Hyunjin's soulmate Seungmin is so nice, though, so Jeongin can't feel mad about the breakup.

He's 18 when the third tattoo shows up, though he can't be too sure because he's not in the habit of checking the side of his foot.

It says _'made in Australia_ ' in small blocky letters.

Jeongin hates it.

He appreciates it, because it tells him where his soulmate is from( Australian accent, ranked 27th in the list of accents he made in his soulmate notebook, below Dublin and New York and even Birmingham, but still above the Scottish ones, because he can hardly understand those)

But it's cheesy, and weird, and _seriously?_ Jeongin isn't even from Australia.

He has Hyunjin help him cross it out and write Korea above it, in organized letters. The pen fades three days later.

There's no word from his soulmate, of course.

He's 19 when he goes off to college, taking the notebook with him to see the huge city of Seoul.

He spends two evenings sketching the skyline into his journal, wishing he could show his soulmate the beauty of the city.

He's on his fourth journal by now, thick, leather-bound books filled with loose paper and napkins with sketches and little thoughts he wishes his soulmate could debate with him.

He has a lot of wishes.

He's 20 when he meets Felix Lee, an Australian. Jeongin has hopes for him being the soulmate, with his deep voice and angelical facial features.

But he already has a soulmate, a songwriter named Changbin.

They're a cute couple, all soft smiles and little inside jokes. They make Jeongin feel welcome.

His soulmate has taken up writing again, little bits of rhymes on his arm, some in English, some in Korean.

Jeongin wonders whether his soulmate still lives in Australia then, whether he's of Korean ethnicity.

He tries to add a melody to the jumbled rhymes, sings them whenever he cleans up in his tiny shared dorm.

He's still 20 when his soulmate gets his fourth tattoo, the word ataraxia across his wrist. Jeongin doodles it into his notebook, searches up the meaning, and smiles.

_Ataraxia- calmness untroubled by mental or emotional disquiet._

It becomes his new favorite word.

Doodled in corners of Jeongin's notes, written in a thousand different fonts in Jeongin's laptop, it lives in the margins of his mind.

It's so much happier than the semicolon.

He covers the tattoo with a friendship bracelet after someone makes an impolite comment on his soulmate hating him for getting the tattoo.

Jeongin doesn't know how to explain that he is the soulmate who is also stuck with the tattoo, and he loves it.

He's just turned 21 when Changbin hears him sing some of his favorite rhymes in the dorm, and asks him to record it for him, so that he can show the voice to the others he works with.

A day later Changbin asks him to come with him to the studio.

A man is already in the room they enter, sitting in front of the massive computer.

When he turns, he gives Changbin and Jeongin a bright smile, eyes tired.

He introduces himself as Bang Chan.

Felix comes over, and Changbin says they'll go buy them all some coffee, leaving Jeongin alone with Chan.

The man is handsome, soft eyes, softer looking hair. His dimples are cute, popping out when he makes a joke.

They get to know each other, basic questions. Jeongin learns Chan is an Aussie like Felix( which makes him a bit hopeful. He squashes that hope deep down), has a dog named Berry, and dislikes coffee, even though all his friends are addicts.

He also tells the man about himself, about his major, his hopes to become an elementary school teacher, and his love for certain flowers.

The conversation slows when a third person enters the room, introducing himself as Han Jisung.

The man gets to the point, talking a mile a minute as he tells Jeongin how much he loves Jeongin's voice. Chan admits he has yet to hear the recording, and asks Jeongin to sing.

But when Jeongin opens his mouth, a fourth man comes in, wrapping himself around Jisung.

The two people are likely to be soulmates too, Jeongin thinks. He notices Chan staring at the two as wistfully as he is.

It prompts him to ask the man.

"Who is your soulmate, hyung?"

Somehow, within that sentence, he manages to destroy whatever friendship he has built. Chan's up til then open face becomes guarded. He crosses his arms.

"I don't have one", he says, rubbing his shoulder.

Jeongin nods, glancing away.

"I might as well not have one", he admits.

Chan leans forward a bit in his chair, his eyes sad. He looks so much older than 24.

"Why?", he asks.

Jeongin swallows. He doesn't want the pity he gets from everyone he tells.

On the other hand, Chan doesn't even have a soulmate, so maybe he'll understand.

"Do you know what TOP disease is?"

Chan shakes his head, furrowing his brow.

"The messages I write? My soulmate doesn't receive them. I have theirs, but they don't have mine."

Chan winces.

"That might actually be worse than not having one at all. Not that I'm trying to compare trauma", he adds in a rush.

Jeongin smiles, looking away. He’s ok with it.

"It's fine. They've stopped writing at this point, anyway. They probably think I'm dead. The one thing that bothers me is one of their tattoos."

"They have tattoos?"

Chan sounds intrigued, and Jeongin sees him rub the thick leather wristband he wears.

"Yeah, and I like most of them. It's just the one that irks me. It's cheesy and terrible, and it reads 'made in' and then the country where they were born, and I've never even been there!”, Jeongin says, pouting a bit.

Chan chuckles, his eyes thoughtful.

"Yes, I could see how that would be annoying. But what if the person moved away from their home country and they want a reminder of it?"

"Then the person should get a necklace or a bracelet as a reminder like a normal person."

Chan nods, still smiling.

"I see your point."

Jeongin nods too.

"Well, it's too late for that now anyway", he sighs.

Chan hums in agreement.

"You never got to sing that melody", he says, changing the subject.

Two days later, Jeongin wakes up with writing on his arm again.

_Hello! I'm sorry about the tattoos, if you exist!_

Jeongin snorts and writes it into his notebook, smiling. He writes what would be his answer into it as well, before writing it on his skin for good measure.

He's late in meeting with Chan, Changbin, and Felix. Jisung had a prior commitment.

Changbin and Felix are engrossed in each other. Chan is writing something into his songwriting book.

Jeongin glances at his writing, and barely skims over the headline when he stops.

That writing.

He knows that writing.

His hands are shaking, gripping his coffee. He sits down next to Chan.

"Can I doodle something on your arm?", he asks without greeting. Chan practically jumps out of his skin at the sudden noise.

"Um... I guess", he says, looking over at Jeongin. He offers his right arm for it.

The arm that is, if Jeongin is correct, the one not written on yet.

He takes a moment to decide what to write, then finally decides on a rough sketch of a flower. Chan watches him as he quickly squiggles a few lines here and there to create a picture.

"For your soulmate", Jeongin explains.

Chan nods slowly.

"Do you think they might have TOP as well?", he asks, looking hopeful. His facial expression almost breaks Jeongin's heart. He hopes Chan has a soulmate. He hopes it's him.

"There's always a chance. And everyone appreciates a drawing."

Chan nods, not arguing with him.

Jeongin doesn't dare look at his right arm, too scared to do anything.

There's hope blossoming in his chest, and if Chan isn't his soulmate? He's not sure what he'll do.

On the way back to the dorms though, he can't stand the thought of not knowing even more than the thought of being crushed, so he pulls back his sleeve.

And there it is.

Jeongin starts crying as he traces the lines he made, the passersby looking at him weirdly. It's him. He's found him, he's found his soulmate.

He only stops at home to grab his journals, asking Changbin where Chan's apartment is.

The man gives him the address with a question mark Jeongin ignores. It's him, and it's finally coming together.

The apartment complex is large and ugly. Jeongin rings and rings and rings the doorbell, pressing over and over and over again.

At Chan's croaky voice, Jeongin feels guilty for just a second. He must have just fallen asleep.

Still, he continues with the journals in his backpack, opening it to pick out the first one.

Chan is wearing joggers and a white t shirt. No leather armband. Jeongin can see the Ataraxia on his wrist.

It reminds him of the Made in Australia tattoo, which pisses him off and adds energy to his excitement. He’snerve racked, scared of rejection.

So instead of offering an explanation, or even giving Chan the journal in his arms, he punches the man straight in the gut.

A winded Chan doubles back, clutching his belly with a look of confusion.

"Made in Australia? Really?", Jeongin says, bouncing with pent up energy, and also semi mortified, because _why did he just do that_ ,”Why did you think that tattoo was a good idea?"

Chan's facial expression changes from confused to shocked.

"You- you-", he starts,"you're my soulmate."

Jeongin nods. His arms sink to his sides as a bout of shyness makes him want to run and hide.

"That's why- I'm so sorry", Chan starts, straightening,”I’m so sorry for the tattoos and the giving up on you, it wasn't-"

"I'm sorry too", Jeongin interrupts him, quickly, because if anyone has to apologize, it’s him,”I’m sorry for not being able to respond.”

They stare at each other, Chan still in semi shock but reaching his hand out. The action makes Jeongin remember his notebooks.

“But, I did write it down?"

"Write what down?", Chan asks, cocking his head. His curls bounce to the side with the movement. He looks so vulnerable that Jeongin wants to protect him forever.

"What I would respond. Every time. The journals are here", Jeongin holds out the first one so that Chan can take it.

Chan's eyes get infinitely round and soft. They swim with emotion, threatening to spill over.

"I thought- I thought you were dead", he whispers.

Jeongin gives him the journal, and unpacks the four others.

Chan stares at it with a reverence. His wrist is up, showing off the Ataraxia.

Jeongin takes a pen out of his back pocket and gently reaches for Chan's arm. Chan lets him take it, trembling.

Hello, I'm Innie! I hate the Made In Australia, but Ataraxia is my favorite word. I like the Semicolon on your hip, but I wish I could have been there for you. I want to know what the date on your chest symbolizes.

Jeongin doesn't need to check his arm to know he's finally used his writing to communicate to his soulmate.


End file.
